If you and your partner are struggling to understand each other’s point of view, you can be open to common communication mistakes in relationships. Below, the experts outlined some common errors, as well as how to fix each.
7 common communication mistakes in relationships couples make and how to fix each
first. Think about what you want to say next instead of listening
During a heated discussion, do you actively listen to what your partner has to say, or do you happen to just consider your rebuttal argument and wait for your turn to speak? If you’re not really listening, you might just be in a mixed cycle of communication.
This may leave your partner feeling inaudible and invisible. “To fully feel intimate with another person, we need to feel heard, confirmed and empathic” Shirin Peykar, LMFT. The key to improving communication skills lies in practicing it.
“In the beginning, you can simply summarize and repeat what you’ve heard your partner say while reflecting their feelings,” she added. Notice where your mind goes when you are listening to your partner and begin redirecting yourself back to your partner in this moment.
2. Kinks Emotional language sitting in the driver’s seat
“When we get excited, we often can’t communicate clearly in the way we intend to express ourselves,” says Peykar. We often criticize, defend, or attack our partners rather than expressing needs or desires. Give yourself space to reflect, soothe, and overcome your emotions before starting a conversation with your partner.
“If the conversation goes south, detach and give yourself 20 minutes to 24 hours to calm yourself after you get activated.” —Shirin Peykar, LMFT
“If the conversation goes south, detach and give yourself 20 minutes to 24 hours to calm yourself after you’re activated,” she said. “However, be sure to explain that it takes time to let go of your emotions before you can continue the conversation.”
3. Get defensive
“Another common communication problem is when we use disagreement to justify our point of view rather than to understand our differences,” says Peykar. We’re trying to get our partner on our side as a way to gain acknowledgment and authenticity, but that’s the wrong thinking here.
“Instead of using communication to prove your point, focus on the emotions you’re feeling and unmet needs,” she says. Show off these. It is much easier for your partner to identify you when you speak emotionally. First, try to understand your partner’s position, feelings and needs and respond to the request.
4. Suppress your frustration to avoid conflicts
Suppressing feelings about something your partner did or said as a way to avoid a conflict is one of the most common communication mistakes in relationships. “This is what contributes to partners communicating in passive active ways,” says Peykar.
“We need to convey what we feel in a direct, yet soft way so we can feel like we can have space in a relationship and our partners have space,” she said. can listen to us. Repressing or avoiding a conflict only makes it larger and more difficult to resolve in the long run.
5. Try to fix the partner’s problem without asking what they need
“There is a common tendency to advise our partners when they express ‘negative’ emotions such as anger, anxiety or sadness,” says Peykar. these feelings, so let’s try to deal with them. “
However, this is usually not what they need. “Most of the time, we just need someone to say what we feel is okay and we have the right to feel like we’re doing,” she added. Leave your opinion on how your partner feels or what they can do about the situation and just focus on them instead.
To help you do this successfully, ask your partner what they need, there’s something you can do or say no, and give a hug. “The way to become comfortable with other people’s difficult feelings is to become comfortable with ourselves,” she said.
6. Insufficient and silent sharing
“Poor communicative partners – they don’t provide enough context or details about their wants, needs, and boundaries – can be challenging,” says the certified sex therapist and therapist. Jennifer Litner, LMFT, CST. It is better to be clear about what you mean, so that no guesswork will cause you to face potential communication struggles. If not, many of your partners don’t understand what’s going on and you feel upset.
7. Communicate with each other
Disruption in communication is a big red flag. “When one person is talking, the other will listen and reflect what their partner is saying is most effective,” says Litner. So let your partner share what they need to say without being too hasty to interrupt them.
And again, keep those ears open. As Litner says, “the partners who are reviewing their own words while the partner is talking may miss out on what they are saying.”
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