Gas light is on a spectrum. Some refuelers do not know they are refueling and most do not know how their behavior affects others. But some refuelers are very aware of what they are doing, and it is done purposefully and with no regrets. Should the person engage in the additional act of belonging spectrum of narcissistic personality disorder, the more likely they will deliberately provoke you.
People dealing with asphyxiation often question the person’s motives. If the person refueling does not know they are filling, it gives them a feeling of hope. Basically, the people on the receiving side are trying to gauge how patient they are with the abuser. For example: Maybe if they don’t know what they’re doing, I can show them and the conversation can be more productive.
But the point is, what will really change if you know what their motives are? It can help you learn to navigate a situation more skillfully (for example, if you know that their motivation is to cause suspicion, it can help you stay consistent with your truth) But not necessarily knowing their motives. to set boundaries.