Sure, I know that wearing a mask makes him feel disconnected, he misses his family and he yearns for good nights with guys – but people are dying from the virus. This terrible, and so we followed all the rules. He doesn’t travel internationally and domestically every three months as usual, he doesn’t go into the office, we are sharing a small office at home and for a while we have to arrange it all work and video call while caring for our three year old daughter at home. But our daughter went back to preschool five days a week, and although we were immediately quarantined for 10 days several times, we were still able to do our job and get some services. Babysitting – so we are very grateful.
Couples, especially those who have been together for a long time, may sometimes begin to assume that their needs are exactly the same. What I need is the same as what my partner needs, and vice versa. But the truth is, even though they are best friends, get along very well, love each other and be happy, my wife and I are still two separate people. Therefore, our needs will never be perfectly linked.
For me like one IntrovertI really feel relieved that I can turn down the “COVID” social outings, but my extroverted husband was devastated when he couldn’t smile at strangers while shopping at Target by wearing a mask or chatting with a random guy at bar sports during a big weekend match. So, realizing that after a year of masking, social distance, no work or personal travel, and very little interaction with family and friends, my husband struggled.
We have also found ourselves in some rather heated discussions (also called arguing and fights) about our marital dynamics and that our relationship has been unhealthy for years, but not yet. painful enough to deal with until now – we have now been trapped in our little house for months with very little space or distraction. It was as if all the challenges in our relationship were staring at us at the same time. The things we love now are the reasons we can’t stand each other – and after eight years together, six years of marriage, we can’t ignore them anymore.
Stakes are also higher during a pandemic. We are each other’s emotional support system and one of the rare people we can be together without a mask, so being together is even more important right now. And when we’re arguing, there’s very little chance of having space together to clear up or take a new perspective.
But in the end, all the fighting and crying brought us together. I’ve always admired one aspect of our relationship: that we allow our relationship to over-bend it sometimes breaks down, and that’s exactly what keeps us together. That we allow it to almost break down instead of grabbing it to stay together. There is no despair – just a desire to understand and learn and grow a little more.