The short answer is probably no because, you can can not fix it. But the tendency toward this approach makes sense, because Not Trying to improve a difficult situation for a loved one can cause feelings of helplessness and anxiety. “It’s hard to see a loved one struggling and not having a lot of control in between them,” says Stephanie Zerwas, PhD, a board member now Therapeutic Aid Alliance and a clinical psychologist at Flourish Chapel Hill, North Carolina.
So, how can you effectively support and help someone who is struggling with the harsh working environment while coping with your own difficult feelings regarding the situation? Below, see five possible solutions.
Not sure how you can help someone who is struggling in a difficult situation without doing it about you? See the 5 expert tips below.
1. Give your emotions space and seek therapy if needed
As a first-line strategy, it can help authenticate and process the feelings you experience by naming them. From there, you can try using different coping methods (such as journaling, exercising, or connecting with your other friends) that have worked for you. That said, keep in mind that you may not find these methods working as well as before because of the stress you are facing – in absorbing your loved one’s stress combined with the stress. you may be going through. lived through a pandemic – possibly unprecedented, say Sally Chung, PsyD, a clinical psychologist in Bellevue, Washington.
“Your loved one may be exhausted, depressed or insecure about themselves. “Having to deal with someone else’s anger on their behalf can make them feel really small”. —Sima Kulshreshtha, LICSW
If, when you allow yourself to feel your feelings, you find that being angry about your loved one’s work situation arises, consider talking to a therapist instead of venting. give them away with heavy thoughts about the situation. “Your loved one may be exhausted, depressed or insecure about themselves,” says Sima Kulshreshtha, LICSW. “Having to deal with someone else’s anger on their behalf can make them feel really small.”
Kulshreshtha says watch yourself as you go through this journey with your loved one. “If you are always sad, lacking joy in life and everything is painted gray, you may not be able to support anyone right now. And it’s okay to say that. She added, someone who loves you won’t want you to give you support that could hurt you in the process, so allow you to be supported by the therapist until you are ready. be in love with your loved one.
2. If the person shares their problems with you, focus on reflecting their feelings back on them
If you want emotional support for your loved one, Dr. Zerwas advises drawing emotional words when they talk to you about problems. For example, ask, “Are you feeling? upset because of the X? This gives the person a chance to pinpoint the exact emotion they feel in the situation, which can help them process their feelings about it and initiate action they can take.
When they talk about the emotions they are feeling, how you can relate to them as well, training your sense of connection.
3. Ask for permission before sharing your comments
Ask if they have enough energy to listen to you express your true feelings about their condition. Dr. Chung says, the purpose of sharing your feelings is so that both sides understand the other’s feelings and can feel more engaged and not alone in the struggle. The goal of sharing your feelings should be unity, not getting your loved one or both of you to work harder, stressful or agitated.
Likewise, if your loved one allows you to share your feelings, be careful not to shift the conversation to specifically focus on how you feel about it. Instead, use it as a springboard to allow them to express themselves more and move on.
4. Remember that you cannot defuse all the struggles that your loved one has to go through
Trying to fix a problematic work situation may not always be realistic, and pursuing it may make you feel more uncomfortable. Dr. Zerwas recommends writing key messages on a crisis card or in a note-taking app on your phone to remind you that fighting is an inevitable part of your life and sometimes you have limited capacity. to soothe them. When you feel exceptionally low, read these for yourself.
Also keep in mind that your loved one may not even want you to try to fix the problem but simply want support. In fact, Kulshreshtha says trying to fix the situation can send the message that you don’t trust them to come up with an effective strategy. Besides, “they might have been aroused by what’s going on in the workplace, so you push them to do something that puts them in a more frozen state than they are in action. ,” She added.
5. If your loved one is looking for advice from you, don’t spell out exactly what they “should” do
If the person asks for advice or allows you to share your thoughts, make space for them them to reflect on barriers to action. You could say something like, “Looks like you’re not really happy there. What Barriers keep you from working Or give it to your boss? “
Allow them to make their own decisions. If they do decide, invite them to let you know how you can help before you do whatever you think might be beneficial (like finding a job or cleaning up their resume). Taking action before they ask for your help can make them feel overwhelmed or embarrassed that they haven’t taken the steps themselves. Kulshrestha suggests that you also be prepared to fully respect their decision. If in the end they don’t want to take any action.
Because remember, while you always want to prioritize protecting yourself and your mental health (whether through therapy, coping mechanism or otherwise), in the end, the most important factor when When it comes to a loved one’s taxing working conditions, put their life experience first.
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