I divorced my ex-husband in 2011. There are many reasons why we do not get along, but one of them is financial problems. He will just decide to do something with our money or my inheritance, and won’t even ask me first.
This is how my dad treats my mom so I think it’s normal. He even pulled out a credit card in my name and charged $ 70,000 on it.
He retired early to run his store. I agreed to never seek his retirement in our divorce settlement. It would drop significantly, as he retired for six years before qualifying (it’s an early option).
We still get along and stick together whenever our son joins. Our son Ryan was in college when we got divorced. I rejected my ex-husband’s tendency to control with me, because he couldn’t do the same to me anymore.
‘They bought a house together, and now my husband’s business is in decline.’
However, a few years ago my ex-husband said he wanted a home left for our son. I agreed to let them buy a house together, as long as my husband could afford it. His store was doing well at that time.
They bought a house together, now my husband’s business is in decline. He continued to put money into the store so the “corporation” could pay for his truck and the credit cards he continued to use for the store, all in his name.
He was once really smart with everything, but never smart with money. And, of course, I have made the majority of money and he is the MAN who makes the decision. I finally grew up from that, which is one reason why we are no longer together.
Our son graduated with MS and JD and moved in with his father before he bought the house. Our son bought and sold his own house with his wife, and now also owns a very nice house with her.
‘My son realized that his father should have been on medication for a long time because of his mental health.’
His father still expects him to pay half the money for the original house, because half of it belongs to him. Meanwhile, the store had a whopping over $ 150,000 in debt and made no money.
I feel my son has put enough money into his father’s house. His father is 76 years old with heart disease (I’m young), and I’m afraid he will leave my son with nothing but store debt, and our son’s investment in the throne. his house will become meaningless.
Let me say my son realized that his father was supposed to take the drug long ago for his mental health, but his dad laughed at us both for mentioning him, along with words. advice on marriage. We recognize his spending habits as unhealthy and compulsive. But we also realized it was hurting our son’s finances.
What must our son do? If he stops paying for the house, his dad won’t be able to afford it and he’ll lose the money he put in it.
Thanks for any further information you can provide.
Who are the adults here, and who are the children?
You write that your husband’s controlling behavior does not affect you anymore. But as you step into this situation, your eyes widen: Your son Ryan owns a house with his biological father, who can or may not pay half of his bill, if it really is. he pays anything. You have accepted the agreement and as a result feel guilty or responsible. Your ex-husband continues to spend money regardless of the consequences, and acts as deliberate as ever about his failed business fate.
Co-worker dependence, recklessness, and financial manipulation continue unabated, despite your divorce. Your husband wants to leave your son a house, but he needs your approval and perhaps your willingness to persuade your son to sign a mortgage to do so. I do not buy your ex’s motive. It’s like your ex-husband wants a home of his own and can’t do it without his ex-wife and his son playing a central role.
‘Your son is an adult, and he is solely responsible for signing this contract with his father. Not you. ‘
Ryan is an adult, and alone he is responsible for signing this contract with his father. Not you. This is between him and his dad, and it’s time to step out of the picture. Your participation does not help either, and certainly does not help you. Your son may allow his father to use his business troubles as emotional leverage with mortgage payments or family expenses, or he can give him a choice: pay or sell off.
Ryan needs to be an adult in the room, especially because he has his own family to take care of. If his father can’t afford this house, and his business is running money, he needs to scale it down and sell it. Alternatively, your son can buy his dad. His father is able to discover bankruptcy, and with the help of a lawyer discover how that might affect his primary residence. In such a scenario, mortgage payments would need to be made in black.
Your ex-husband is 76 years old. It is very difficult for him to change his way of doing things. We have an expression in Ireland: “A Béal Bocht” or Bad Mouth. “It describes someone claiming they are in financial trouble so they can evoke pity on others. If you really want to live a separate life, you need to step back. All this family psychology, and Ryan needs to be tough on his father. You have control over the former, but you don’t have control over the latter.
Whether or not Ryan does it against his father is up to him, not yours.
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