Self is a misunderstood word. Not because it’s particularly hard to define. It cannot. It is just a way of appointing a person as an individual, apart from anyone else. That’s what going with yourself can be difficult. Attachments have hyphens and a second syllable. Along with the feelings that accompany them.
The good self and the bad self
We react positively to some egos while we defame others. For example, self-motivation, self-confidence and, of course, selflessness are traits we admire. These are self-attracting words. We love the altruistic recommendations, performance reviews and altruistic eulogy. The way we always put others first. Altruistic people care about what others think of them. We want to follow and stay around these people.
And then there’s our own bad – something we don’t admire. Self-contained, self-obsessed, self-centered and selfish. These are the people we follow or keep around because we feel compelled, right? Our boss or family member cannot be helped. People who don’t care what you think of them. Who wants to be one of them? No thanks.
I’ve always liked it. I want the good side of the “self” ledger. Sure, I’ve pulled the line “I don’t care if you like me as long as you respect me” once or twice (or maybe dozens of times) in my career. Say what I think I should, rather than what I believe. When I don’t get along with someone, I always want the reason to be about them, not me. Take it!
An energy-draining leadership hole
However, it turned out that being a safe and selfless person often drained my energy, creativity, and productivity. It also prevents me from doing my job.
When I model my “want to be liked” behaviors, the needs of others are more important than mine. Participating in those needs is the most important thing I should do. If I take care of them, they will take care of me. That was my thought. What I told myself worked. And it’s mostly wrong.
This is why. Placing others’ needs in front of yours turns out to be an easy-to-implement but less intelligent leadership flaw. It makes me feel busy and helpful. Like I was for this great help! Hero in my own mind. Altruism is the mask I wear to avoid being found out. A waste of time. A goal that I can never explain and always hits.
It got me and my business stuck. It gives me something to do and something to avoid. An excuse to stop trying.
How did I troubleshoot
But when I look in the mirror, I know something is not right. Truth has a way of being seen, even when you’re trying to hide it. My job is to lead my team into the futureand I didn’t do that. It was the “altruistic” truth staring at me through the mask.
When I couldn’t run away from the truth anymore, I decided to become selfish. I know, that sounds awful, but there’s no other option. Selfishness is the way I have to go. With my ideas, my timing, my concentration and my attention. I need space. To understand what I want. If I don’t understand it well, how can I lead the team where we need it?
Benefits of selfish piety
I need to be selfish to optimize me. Come topped my game. With my thoughts, habits, health, influences and relationships. I need to make the best adjustments I can. If I’m not selfish doing it, I know I’ll endure sub-low excellence. That’s not who I want to be.
Selfishness doesn’t change who I am. It just changed the way I operate. Not overnight. It takes time. The way everything inertia works.
I conjured “I need to be selfish” years ago, and I have remained completely selfish ever since. I know that sounds weird, but I’m proud of my selfishness. It makes me better. I wouldn’t be without it. I’m still doing – and hope for the best. Lead a team with the same skills as mine. No addition of complementary and creative skills. Feel good about my altruism.
I won’t allow mistakes or failures to happen. I spent all my time trying to stop those things. Too close. Make prevention a lesson instead failure in education. I missed it teaching moments. Progress and rewards.